Looking for a Leader, Not a Manager

When I started this job, I took on everything. If a task landed on my desk, I did it. If a task was floating around with no owner, I grabbed that too. I did not wait for permission. I was motivated, and the sheer energy of being in a new role was enough to keep me moving forward every single day. I picked up work that was not mine just because it was there to be done.

That initial momentum has run out.

These days, I sit at my desk and ask myself what I am actually working towards. The early drive got me through the first phase, but now I am searching for the right direction. I need a clear path. I need to understand what the motive is behind what we are doing every week.

My manager is a good manager. I genuinely mean that. He is a nice guy, he knows the work, and he is never unkind. But he does not have time for me.

When I look at his calendar, it is blocked out from nine in the morning until six in the evening. Every slot is filled with meetings, reviews, and urgent requests. On paper, we have a regular catch-up booked so we can talk about how things are going. In reality, that meeting gets pushed back three times a week, or it gets cut down to five quick minutes at the end of the day.

Five minutes is not enough time to talk about what is hard.

I have day-to-day challenges that are building up. Small difficulties that seem minor on a Tuesday morning, but by Friday they have slowed everything down. I encounter friction with processes that do not make sense, or tasks where I am stuck and need someone with more authority to help me clear the way. I want to explain these difficulties to him. I want to tell him where I am struggling and ask for his guidance on how to navigate them.

Instead, when we do talk, it is always in a hurry. He asks if the current tasks are finished. I say yes or almost. Then he moves on to the next urgent thing on his screen. There is no space to say, "I am lost," or "I do not know what the point of this project is."

There is a real difference between someone who manages tasks and someone who leads a person. A manager keeps the list moving, checks off completed items, and makes sure the schedule is filled. A leader takes the time to listen. A leader hears what is difficult, helps you solve the daily problems, and shows you where the whole thing is going.

Right now, I have a manager who is too busy to manage me, let alone lead me.

Last week, I stopped picking up the unassigned work. It was an odd feeling. For months, I was the person who jumped on anything left lying around. But recently, I looked at a task with no owner and realised I had no reason to take it. Doing extra work without any direction does not feel like progress anymore. It just feels like running faster in place.

I do not want to stop being motivated. I want to do good work, and I want to push myself. But motivation needs a direction, and direction requires someone to give it to you. I am still here, ready to do the work, waiting for someone to take fifteen minutes out of their week to listen and help me find the path.